Anywhere south of Scotland is just so horrid and ghastly, according to a new report by some people who sail in the Scotland
The Marine Diplomat report said the south is all covered in soot and english and there is nowhere you can buy battered mars bars and proper pakora.
The people of the south, meanwhile, are all hunched and mumbling with low, flat, elongated skulls, a prominent brows,no chins and BMWs. They also have broad shoulders and massive forearms from lifting heavy wallets.
The report recommends they all sell their boats cos it not worth sailing anywhere except scotland (apart from any month from Sept to June incl), lose their dreadful accent and get themselves a proper jobs fish farming or ripping off tourists. They should also get their own proper government, increase the subsidies they receive and have a bath.
A Marine Diplomat spokesman said: "Just back from Skye - wet and midgey, glorious sunsets with all these storm clouds. Saw Ian, he says 'ochayethenooImafftaeracludgiecositswarmerinthere'.
"Anyway, the South - have you been? Horrid. I mean Fleetwood - what's the point?"
He added: "I met a southern chap once. Knew an awful lot about cricket but was in a terribly bad mood.
"Kept saying heavy was for 'weightlifters' and then turned his nose up at the condendensed milk and sugar sandwich. Ken whit ah mean, but?"
- Board index
- All times are UTC+01:00
- Delete cookies