Granny Safe Jokes

[BlowingOldBoots]

What do you call a sail with only 2 corners?
I don’t have a clew.




I’ll get my coat.

[BlowingOldBoots]

How do you know when a boat is feeling affectionate?
It hugs the shore.

[BlowingOldBoots]

Small boats are vulnerable to pier pressure.

[BlowingOldBoots]

Why do gay men love the bow man?
They always blow the guy.

[stevepick]

That has got to be the worst box of crackers ever

[BlowingOldBoots]

A Glaswegian family give birth to identical twins but they're so poor they can't afford to keep them. They put them up for adoption. The first goes to Madrid and his new parents call him Juan. The second goes to Cairo and his new parents call him Amal.

A few years later, the Glaswegian family get a letter from Madrid with a photo of Juan. The mum starts crying and says, “Oh he's lovely, but it makes me want to see his brother.”

The dad says, “You shouldnae bother yersel’, they're identical twins, if ye’ve seen Juan, ye’ve seen Amal”

[BlowingOldBoots]

A guy goes into a bar in Glasgow and says to the barman, “Gie’s 5 whiskies, Bell’s please”

The barman pours them and the bloke pays and sets them up in a line.

He lifts the first and downs it in one. After a pause, he lifts the third and downs it. Straightaway, he necks the fifth.

He says to the barman, “Thanks mate, that's me fur the off” and makes for the door.

The barman says, “Hey, whit aboot the rest”

The bloke replies, “I cannae huv thum, a’m under strict instructions fae ma doactur only to huv the odd drink”

[Gardenshed]

These last two….brilliant!!

[BlowingOldBoots]

A man was browsing a record stall at the Barras and he picked up an Elvis Presley record. He looked at the cover and it said “Wooden Leg”.

He said to the man running the stall, “Should that no’ say Wooden Heart.

The stall keeper replied, “Aye but it's a pirate copy”