BLUEMOMENT

.. he's jist fitted his new auto-pilot. Noo, his auld tub hasnae moved aff ra hard fer a season or two as he's daeing orra much schmoozing at venues in London and receiving awards frae some braw lassies whose statuesque proportions means thur nipples are conveniently at hus eye level.

Jings, ahm thinking that fitting tae his tub a pair of wheels and a tow hook micht be mair useful?

Well, if he's been blinded, I hope the new autopilot knows the way to Malfart otherwise it could be sense of smell all the way...

Noo lissen youse - ye lobster-chompin auld gizzard. Ah'll hev ye ken aboot ma dissappointment. Ah hev recently attempted a puchase o ra Brian Navin Nairth See Pilotty tae see us across tae the land o the bacon makers an Ammerzone are tellin me they've nane in stock.
Jings - Irish sea fer anither season - then Ah'm thinking tae dae ra Chents cruise in 2010 in ma fine shup afore she heeds aff up ra Caledonian an oot across tae yon Skagerrak.
Ony mair o' yer daft nonsense an yer berth is cancelled.
Come tae think O' it - thas' whit yer mither shuild hae done a' they years ago....

if you are intent on xing the n. sea from inverness to the kattegat you may be wasting your money on brian navin`s book.